Gone Too Soon

I hate seeing you cry, to see tears flow from those eyes, trickling down your face.

I hate seeing those lips, your lips, quiver in sadness instead of happiness in its place.

If only I could hold you and whispers things to make it all go away.

To erase the torment and pain, at last the only thing I can do for you is pray.

 

I’m sorry for being the reason, for causing you so much grief.

I wish there was a way I can make you believe,

Just for you, a promise of forever I would weave.

If it means that every time you breathe, there would be this sense of relief.

 

I can’t be with you always from now on, therefore I will send Angels in my place to watch and console you.

I give you my word that one day you’ll forget me and all that’s left of me are just old dusty memories.

I will however remain as yours, even when you age with grace, I will continue to remain true.

I’m sorry that my life ended too soon baby, leaving a mark in your life of sorrow and tragedy.

 

Passing Stage 1

My eyes opened and my arm quickly went searching for you.

Failing to find you, I realised some things are too good to be true.

Not wanting to believe, I got up, just to be certain that you didn’t leave out of the blue.

Funny how the things you want the least, wishing it untrue, can sneak up to you like the blasted flu.

Yes, I don’t deny it. I still miss you, more than you’ll ever know.

I see you daily but not seeing you for a second, a minute, an hour, a day is like waiting for the winter snow.

I wonder sometimes why can’t “Time” figure out when to slow down a little when it comes to you.

If only “Time” could stop being so selfish and really bothered to take the time to step into my shoe.

Since I can’t have you close to me yet, I’ll settle for your voice, a message, my blessed memory.

To feel you near, to hear your laughter, to remember your scent…such a familiar territory.

If only Stage 1 could be set instead of it being a “Work In Progress” then everything would be simply lovely.

I don’t know how much longer can I wait. If only things can fall into place a little quickly instead of a little slowly.

Yummeh

Mmmmmm I sigh with delight and pleasure.

You’re delicious and  if only I can have you whenever.

You bring me such joy and *giggles*….great adventures.

Mmmmmm you’re absolutely divine and a wicked tempter.

I can’t wait to see you again even though I know we have forever.

Come now darling, whisper to me when and I will see you where ever.

Oh baby,  seduce me with your scent, make me wanna have a taste.

I will savour you, enjoy you slowly and not let you go to waste.

On the table now, I shall have you when you lay.

*groan* *moan* *salivates* I seriously can’t stay away.

So seductive, so vibrant, so beautiful, so juicy, god this is so foreplay.

Licks my fingers, licks my lips, I must have you right away.

Call it lust, greed, an insatiable urge, oh for you I shall stray.

I understand the stakes are high but fuck I am willing to pay.

Only you can satisfy my hunger baby and make me crave for more.

On the bed, on the floor, and even outdoor.

I will never bore of you darling since you always taste so orgasmic.

Bringing me satisfaction, sending chills down my spine so drastic.

I must say that life with you is truly fantastic.

Because there are moments when you can be so erotic.

Oh darling, my love, my beautiful tart.

I will consume you very soon but now I have to part.

I wish not to ravage you and instead eat and enjoy you like you are art.

Goodbye for now my lover, I’m deathly stuffed and must depart.

I can’t wait to see you again but for now, be still my beating heart.

Oof, how I’ve consumed you my darling dearest sweets.

Now I have to take a longgggg stroll along the street.

Oh food, dear food, why do you taste so good, play with my palate and screw me over.

You’re right, I love you as you do I and what we have is like no other.

I should also add, you are dependable and definitely my emotional saviour, my delicious lover ;D

Food, my yummeh vixen, my understanding lover.

 

A Date?

What should I wear?

This one? That one?

A skirt? A dress? Jeans? Does it matter?

How should I do my hair?

How should I paint my face?

Do I go for fun? elegant? casual? relax?

Do I go as myself?

Damn where’s that bag?

Sigh I’ll be fine. I’ll be more than fine.

It may be different but I’m going to be ok.

I wonder if she will like what she sees?

I wonder if she will like me?

I wonder if she can accept me.

Crap I don’t wanna screw this.

Click, tap, space – my fingers were expressing my thoughts and emotions.

If only there was a way to be rid of this – death? sex? accidents? potions?

Fingers typed faster, words lengthened, frustration heightened.

I think I’ve finally reached a point where I’m no longer frightened.

Emotional exhaustion and many sighs are now here to stay.

Completely numbed, lost while every other emotions are away.

Drained, wondering in circles, trying to pick myself up.

Perhaps alcohol? cigarettes? hot cocoa with extra in a cup?

Inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale, now what?

I wonder where did I put that book of spells and my craft?

I caught myself …(part 2)

I caught myself hating you.

I caught myself wanting to stay away from you.

I caught myself being angry with you.

I caught myself hurting because of you.

I caught myself tearing because of you.

I caught myself being mad because of  you.

I caught myself being fed up because of you.

I caught myself wanting to be rid of you.

I caught myself wishing you didn’t happen.

I caught myself wishing I wasn’t so taken.

I caught myself wondering why.

I caught myself thinking goodbye.

I caught myself feeling tired.

I caught myself feeling emotional knackered.

I caught myself wanting to be strong.

I caught myself thinking it’s all so wrong.

I caught myself being weak.

I caught myself taking a peek.

I caught myself removing traces from my cheek.

I caught myself wondering how did it get this way.

I caught myself not knowing what to say.

I caught myself.

What’s going on in there?

I stared at the cake mixture, realising I may have over done it and it will affect the texture of the cake but I continued watching it go round and round.

I was interrupted when I heard the sound of a light pitter patter followed by a million taking over soon after.

I turned my head and saw that it was raining outside. The plants and trees outside dancing joyfully to the sound of the rain’s beat.

My dog, running excitedly in the rain, allowing “rain” to pat it, permitting it to drench my dog’s magnificent golden coat and white vest.

Oh how the rain pours, cleansing everything before me. Giving life, its blessing, quenching thirst, and providing the much needed nurturing that life needed.

I miss how I use to deliberately walk in the rain. Feeling it on my skin, the way it hits me and slides down my face. The way it sends chill down my spine and mask the tears flowing from each eye. I also miss how the grass felt under my feet. The rain, only the rain understood me.

For someone who possesses a name similar to “Sun”, you would expect her to have this constant glow in her but instead,  water appealed and represented her better. Not surprising really when her core element is water.

Choppy waves playing under Night’s beautiful dark blue dress while her diamonds sparkle. A perfectly quiet clean night with a full moon and clear sky. Only the sound of the waves humming and splashing. This image represents me best but oh how deceiving because behind this calm facade, something is brewing at the bottom of the ocean. Like a volcano that’s about to erupt, shaking and moving earth, until it reveals itself or an earthquake that could awaken the majestic tsunami that brings destruction.

So much chaos. So much beauty. So much calmness. So much temptation. So much going on.

I went to the window, placed my hand out…letting the rain kiss my hand and embrace it with its tropical tenderness.

Funny how…

Funny how some people enter your life when you least expect it. Funnier how these people enter when you weren’t looking for anything anyway but to pass your time and kill the cat.

It’s funny how I never bothered with anyone but when it came to you, I responded. All it took was a daring introduction and instead of dismissing your hello and your misinformed description, I decided to say hello in return.

Funny how after a few exchange of sentences we started having a conversation that lasted us from dawn to dusk and back to dawn again. Did we really lose track of time or did time decide to speed itself up when it saw us enjoying ourselves?

What a coincidence that we both had something in common but what surprised me more was what our conversation entailed. We were both exhausted but instead of saying our “bon nuit” we stayed on, had a cigarette and talked about literature, our dreams, hopes, logic with a dash of laughter, humour, wit and the least expected competition.

We briefly talked about what you do but you rather not discuss it and instead gave me a schedule. I didn’t look at it in detail but when I did and when I decided to type your name to discover further, how taken I was, not realising that it had you all over with your details, pictures, videos and followers. How good you were at what you do only sunk in after our conversation. Now that really is a shame.

It’s funny how after our brief encounter, I couldn’t wait to speak and meet with you again. It’s funny how I’ve never felt nor had I had so much interest in one person in such a short span of time. I admit, I am very smitten and at the same time I fear.

It’s funny how impatient I am about when we will next meet.

It’s funny how there’s this tug at my heart.

It’s funny how life and the situation brought you and I together to meet.

It’s funny how life taught me how wrong I was.

Life may have a sense of humour but Life definitely isn’t funny when it took you away and returned you to your place while I re-enter reality.

It’s not funny how after I met someone so great whereby chemistry exploded so quickly, only to realise that I may not hear from him again.

It funny and yet not funny at all that here I am, using your word “hope” to bring calmness in me, comforting me that I will hear from you soon. That I will see you soon.

It’s funny how we started.

The situation now however is not funny.

I wonder

I wonder …do you actually watch me get out of bed, removing my nightgown slowly, letting it fall on the marble floor while I make my way to the bathroom.

I wonder …. if you ever noticed my skin, like marble, so white, so smooth and study the every curve and line on my body.

I wonder…if you noticed how I patiently put my hair up, twirling them and pinning them near to my scalp to give it the natural curl later.

I wonder…if you ever saw me look at myself in the mirror, to study the appearing lines of sadness, happiness, cries, laughter and anger.

I wonder…if you ever noticed how I let out a long sigh when I shower, hiding my pain, frustration, feeling the water hit my face and skin, cleansing me, purifying my heart.

I wonder…if you noticed how I make my face to appear presentable, alive, worry free, to glow…indicating happiness and contentment…

I wonder…if you noticed how I choose what I wear slowly, making sure its elegant,  how the earrings and necklaces should match, even the rings and bracelet.

I wonder….if you noticed how I pick my perfumes carefully, studying their scent, their mood, their stories, to see if it fitted mine for that day.

I wonder…if you noticed how I give myself a final look in front of the mirror, examining that no flaw were revealed and finally applying colour on my lips.

I wonder…if you noticed how I let out another sigh, straightening my back, smoothing my skirt, and finally smiling at myself in the mirror to appear cheerful and pleasant.

I wonder…..if you notice how I permit a little sunshine in my voice to sound gaiety so that I could deceive the general public and appear cordial.

I wonder….if you notice that despite everything, I did and continue to do all this for you….for the sake of appearance, for the sake of our peace.

I wonder…if you notice how I suffer inside, how I am so miserable and how I am in despair.

I wonder…..if you notice that you are also the cause of all this.

I wonder.

Jump

Jump they say. Jump!

It’s 2 in the morning and she can hear the waves crashing beneath her. The wind was blowing and it was tugging her hair hard.

“Come on girl! Jump!”, they continued shouting.

How did it come to this imbecilic point when it was barely a few hours ago where they had their reds and were smoking their lungs away, talking about life, friends and men.

A few hours ago, they were at the balcony talking, chatting about heart aches, frustration, conquest, and the male and female glorious anatomy. They were exchanging scandals, dreams, future and sex.

Now…how did she end up standing here, in the dark, with her girlfriends chanting “Jump”?

It was only a few nights ago that he came back into her life, telling her that he’s getting married and that he loves her. It was that same night, a guy broke her heart when she found out he cheated on her.

Perhaps jumping wasn’t such a bad idea after all.